Parenting Tips! Removing Privileges Effectively | Like any form of discipline, the removal of privileges should follow these three basic rules in order to be effective. It should be related to the misbehaviour whenever possible and treated as a consequence of misbehaviour. It should be age-appropriate, and the enforcement and use of this form of discipline should be consistent.
Parenting Tips! Age-Appropriateness;
The younger the child, the more immediate the consequences must be. Telling a two-year-old that he won’t get to visit the zoo this weekend will not deter misbehaviour as the event is too far in the future for the child to understand the connection between his behaviour and the consequence.
And when it comes to enforcing the consequence later. The misbehaviour will be so far in the past for the young child that he will not be likely to learn any lesson from the removal of this privilege. Instead, you will be faced with an angry, tantruming two-year-old. Who just thinks you are being mean with children two and under.
The consequences must be immediate in order for the child to associate the misbehaviour with the resulting action by you.
For example, if a child is hitting a friend with a toy. An immediate consequence could be the removal of the privilege to play with the toy or the friend. Three to five year olds can understand consequences a little less immediate.
Something that will happen a few hours later may be enough to deter misbehaviour at this age not getting to go over to a friend’s house after nap. For example, might be enough of a consequence to convince a child of this age to lie down for nap time.
Children mature at different rates. And what may work for one child at a particular age may not work for another child of the same age. Keep a written record of the times. When removing a privilege was effective for your child and pay special attention to how immediate the consequence had to be for the removal of the privilege to be effective.
Parenting Tips, Consistency;
The most important element in any plan for discipline is consistency. This does not mean meting out the same punishment over and over again. Rather, you must be consistent in applying and following through with a variety of consequences.
Children first need to know what the rules are, and second. what the consequences of breaking the rules will be. If a misbehaviour arises that does not directly violate an established rule. Then you must inform the child that the behaviour is unacceptable. What the consequence of further misbehaviour will be, and then give the child a chance to follow the new rule.
Dictatorial to the child!
In order for the enforcement of a consequence to be effective. The child must understand that he chose the consequence when he chose to break the rule. If he did not know what the consequence would be then enforcing it will be less effective.
And will seem unfair and dictatorial to the child. The other component of consistency is following through with the consequences. Once you have established rules and consequences. You must enforce the consequences every time the rule is broken if you are removing privileges, first think hard about whether or not. You can really enforce this consequence.
Parenting Tips, Convincing a child;
If you are planning to go to the museum with several other children. Will there be someone available to watch the child who is no longer allowed to go? Or if you are thinking of removing the privilege of watching TV. Will someone be home with your child to enforce this consequence?
Everyone responsible for taking care of the child must be involved in the enforcement of these consequences. Or the action will be much less effective. So talk to your spouse, your parents, your nanny. Or anyone who may have to be called upon to enforce the consequences you decide on. Portraying a united front will go a long way toward convincing a child. That following the rules is much more fun. And pleasant in the long run than disobeying them.
Parenting Tips! Consequences
Teaching a child that actions have consequences is one of the most important lessons a parent. Or teacher can convey. Understanding the consequences that their own actions will have for themselves. And others is the first step children need to take in order to learn to take responsibility for their own actions. To think before they act, and to respect authority.
Therefore, as a form of discipline, the removal of privileges should not be haphazard. And aimed simply at punishing a child. Instead the privileges removed should be logically related to the misbehaviour. And designed to teach the lesson that actions have consequences. For example, a child who continually rides her bike in the street. Despite constant prohibitions from parents. should have the privilege of being able to ride the bike taken away for some amount of time.
This teaches her that when she abuses her privileges (her own action). Those privileges will be taken away (consequence). Later in life when she has a driver’s license and access to a car. Perhaps she will be more cognisant of the consequences of abusing the privilege to drive.
The removal of privileges is one form of “logical consequences”. Which several parenting workshops and programs promote. When the natural consequences of misbehaviour would be dangerous or costly. Parents or teachers must come up with logical consequences that they can enforce. Which will teach children to consider the consequences of their behaviour.
The removal of privileges should be used along with other forms of logical consequences. Not as the sole form of discipline. Other logical consequences might be having to work to pay for damages a child inflicts. Changing curfews or bedtimes in response to problems getting up in the mornings.
Or other consequences directly related to misbehaviour. Try to avoid removing privileges that have little relevance to the child. Or that will not be missed. Removing privileges for short periods of time is more effective than longer periods. (e.g. taking a favourite video away for a day rather than a week). And importantly is more enforceable!